Sometimes the night is like a safety zone. The darkness insulates my thoughts. I feel at home among the shadows and solitude. No forced smiles, no need to diguise my sorrow, my pain, my regret. I can embrace it and let it consume if I wish to. Sometimes it's therapeutic when I allow myself to feel life's agony. It's good to be able to feel...even if it's pain.

Lately I've been feeling numb. Sometimes I wonder if I am even here. I strain for my focus throughout the day. I want to think of something else besides her. It's like my head is in a daze at times. I don't think I'm going crazy, I am beginning to make sense of my life. I'm beginning to set goals for myself. It's just my days are no good sometimes. I find myself wanting the night to come. Even if I can't sleep, I don't have people checking up on me, calling me. Hearing the concern in their voice because my smile has been lost for some time.

Maybe this isn't the time for smiling. It's time for me put the weight of all my ambitions, dreams, and desires on my shoulders. It's time for me to grit my teeth and bear the load. I know there is more for me out there. God didn't bring me this far to drop me off here.